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[Novel] The Emerald Empire


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Posted on Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:06 pm

Hai peoples, so here's the prologue to the novel I'm writing. I could really use some readers and comments and suggestions and critiques and the like, and, welp, here it is. You can also read it on


It's been two hundred years since The Convertion struck, turning all living creatures except humanity into strange creatures known as Familiars. These Familiars look mostly the same as they did before the Convertion, but they are transparent, like ghosts, and have been drained of all their color. Despite their ghostly looks, they can not walk through walls, or float like a ghost can. The most intriguing thing about them, however, is that they can not disobey their masters orders, no matter what. The Convertion was a man-made disease created by a power hungry man, whom used hundreds of Familiars to go to war with the kingdom, seeking the throne. In the end, both the King and the madman died, and Basilisk, a majestic creature owned by the King, disappeared with the loss of his master, and is said to have turned itself to stone, and awaits the return of its master.

It is now year 2015. A bald, middle aged man stood, staring out his window, arms behind his back, the sun shining on his bald head. The world outside looks lifeless. The grass, trees, and plants are all transparent and gray, leaving the world with no color. The Convertion made anything with life other than humanity void of color. It's truly a sad sight. One would never know what the world looked like when it had color, since two hundred years ago technology had not advanced to the point of being able to take pictures in anything other than black and white. Compared to the colorless world outside, inside here looks like some type of paradise. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all coated with emerald paint, and there's a bright light coming from the fireplace.

The man sighs, and walks over to a picture, staring at it blankly. It's a picture of himself, holding two little girls with bright blue eyes, who look to be no older than two-years. One of the girls has magenta hair, and the other blonde. Standing next to him is a woman, clearly pregnant, with half of her hair magenta, and the other half blonde, clearly where the girls got their hair from. She also has the same blue eyes as the girls. The woman and the girls look nothing like him. His eyes are blood-red, he has a green beard, one of his arms is a darker shade than the rest of his skin, as if it had been badly burnt, and on the right side of his face is an eerie, metal mask, completely covering that side of his face. He has an ominous presence about him, making him look completely unorthodox next to such a beautiful woman and adorable little girls. Despite how different he looks from them, this was his wife and his daughters. With how colorful his family is, they don't look like they belong in such a gray world at all. There's suddenly a knock on the door.

“Come in.” he says, dryly.

Five bearded men whom look like they are in their 60's walk in, dressed in very similar robes to the ones the masked man is wearing, making them look like some type of ancient sorcerers. Emblazoned on their robes is two capital E's inside an emerald-colored circle. “Afternoon, Master Sartur.” one of them says, closing the door behind him. This one has a brown beard, and several bald spots on his head.

“Afternoon, fellow Wise Men!” the masked man, Sartur says. “Wise Man Zart, how is your wife doing?” he asks.

“Heh, it's your wife you should be worrying about, isn't it? She's the one with our future king in her womb, not mine.” replies Zart.

One of the other Wise Men speaks. “I still can't help but think that your plan is all up to chance, Sartur. We're going to wait eighteen years for your boy, whom isn't even born yet, to come of age, to crown our king? That's quite unreasonable, in all honesty. Why don't we just make my son king? I mean, I was the first to have a son, two years earlier than you, while you had two daughters in a row.” he says, stroking his red beard.

“Come now, Wise Man Vincent, we've been over this before. Your son does not have The Power. There is nothing special about him. Our King absolutely must have The Power. Without The Power, that son of yours is no better than a pet dog.” replies Sartur.

Vincent crosses his arms. “Atleast I actually have a child, unlike these three pigs, Johnathon, Leonardo, and Garrison. You fools are worthless.” The three Wise Men named Johnathon, Leonardo, and Garrison look astonished at Vincent's remark. Garrison walks up to Vincent as if about to say or do something, but Sartur raises his hand.

“We're Wise Men, not barbarians, can we all act like it, please? You three, go check on my wife.” Sartur says.

“Is that not the Soldiers jobs?” asks Garrison, not pleased that he's being asked to do something that a lowly Soldier should be taking care of.

“Ah but you do want our king to be delivered successfully, don't you? Can such an important job be entrusted in the hands of the Soldiers?”

“Well, I suppose not...” says Wise Man Leonardo. The three Wise Men walk out, leaving just Sartur, Zart, and Vincent.

“Good job taking out the trash, Sartur.” says Zart. Him and Vincent are not very fond of those three Wise Men.

“Now, as I was saying, do you really think we have time to wait on your boy to come of age? What if he doesn't even have The Power? What then, do we just pray you one day have another son who does have it? With the state the world is in, can we truly keep waiting on you to have a son with The Power?” asks Vincent, sitting with crossed legs.

“Why do you doubt Sartur so much, Vincent? That damned boy of yours isn't going to be king, period. Get over it!” snarls Zart.

“It's not Sartur that I doubt, it's the reliability of his plan. As we speak now, the world is just getting worse and worse. We're wasting time! We're going to save every Familiar in the world and restore peace to the world, aren't we? We've waited too long!” replies Vincent.

Because Familiars have no choice but to obey their masters, humanity uses them for their own benefit, in cruel, immoral ways. It's like slavery. Vincent always felt like they are wasting time by waiting for Sartur to have a son who has The Power. Sartur's two daughters can speak with Familiars, and the King from two hundred years ago could do the same thing, but nobody else is known to be able to do this, so he calls this ability 'The Power'. Vincent and Sartur both had their first kids around the same time, but Sartur had a girl while Vincent had a boy. On the contrary, Vincent's son can not speak to Familiars, while Sartur's daughter can. Vincent insists that his son should just be crowned king, but Sartur refuses to have a King whom doesn't carry The Power.

“But we can't achieve our goal unplanned, Vincent. It can't be a coincidence that my offspring have the same ability as the King. We need something as powerful as the Basilisk in our hands, and with a King of our own with The Power, perhaps he'll be able to awaken Basilisk, no?” says Sartur, pacing to the side again.

Vincent sighs and shakes his head. “Still, though. This is all in the hands of the roll of the dice. That, I just don't like...” he says, taking out a pair of dice and rolling them, both landing on one.“I've got stuff to do, we can chat more later.” he says, getting up and shutting the door behind him.

Zart stares as Vincent leaves, hand cupped under his chin. “I don't trust him. He's always doubting everything and trying to get that stupid kid of his to be the King. I don't like those three sissies either. Maybe we should've just kept it as me and you only as the Emerald Empire Wise Men.” The Emerald Empire, named after Sartur, his last name being Emerald, is the name of the organization Sartur and Zart created all on their own, by searching high and low for people that they considered good and worthy. It took them twenty eight years, but now they have an entire organization with hundreds of Soldiers, and their own massive castle. Sartur himself braved the Earth, searching for the smartest men in the world, whom are now known as the Emerald Empire Wise Men. With their intelligence all put together, they managed to create all types of advanced technology.

“Strength comes in numbers, Zart. If it was still just me and you like how we started off, we would never have managed to build this castle, would we? Nor would we have so much money.” replies Sartur. With all the advanced technology they managed to create, they sell all sorts of products, which made them filthy rich.

“I'm still amazed the invisibility worked. We have our own, invisible, thirty meter castle! We're bloody geniuses!” Zart says proudly. They made their castle invisible so that they can keep their organization secret. How else would they hide a thirty meter castle?

Sartur opens a dresser and pulls out a chessboard. “While we await the birth of the King, shall we enjoy ourselves to a game of chess, my friend?” he asks. Sartur's wife is pregnant and is expected to give birth within just a few hours. Zart nods, so the two friends engage in a well matched game of chess for about four hours. Sartur has only his King, two Pawns, and one Bishop left, but Zart is down to just his king.

“It's stalemate if you can't checkmate me within twenty moves.” Zart says, moving his King out of check.

“Haha! That is far more than enough time, my dear friend.” laughs Sartur, confident he can win by then. He picks up his Bishop to put Zart's King in check again, but the door swings open violently, and in comes one of the Wise Men, Garrison, panting heavily.

“You bloody fat warthog! Have you forgotten how to knock?!” says Zart, disgusted. Garrison brushes him off.

“Sartur...the King has been born!” exclaims Garrison, still panting, as if he ran a long distance at full speed to bring this news. Sartur and Zart both jump to their feet, ready to go see their newborn King.

“But..there's two other things...” Garrison says, looking from east to west.

“Oh? What might that be?” asks Sartur, curiously. Garrison stares at the floor, as if this is going to be hard to say.

“Spit it out you fat bastard!” shouts Zart, grabbing Garrison by the collar.

“Well, you should see the first thing for yourself, and the second thing...your wife, she..died. The birth of the King killed her.”  


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Posted on Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:33 am

The whole time I was reading this.... I pictured as an anime. It's really good.

Now... I'm just wondering if this King has The Power, and it killed his mother.... Or did childbirth itself kill his mother?

Guess I will just have to wait and see.

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Posted on Fri Jan 16, 2015 5:11 am

Thanks! Here's Ch1 and CH2.

Chapter 1

A boy with long, emerald-colored hair is laying in the middle of the floor of his room, cuddling with a Wolf Familiar. A girl with very similar, long, magenta hair is trying to wake him up. One would find this room to be very creepy at first sight, but she thinks it's adorable, like a child's playroom. There's a train-set on the floor, running across the tracks, a large skateboard ramp, with a skateboard on it. A dartboard on the wall with dozens of darts right in the bullzeye. A calendar on the wall with each previous day marked off by a dart. Pictures that looked like that had been drawn be a five year old, taped to the wall. A knocked over basketball hoop with a broken net. A bookcase filled with stacks of books. A toybox overflowing with so many toys, the top couldn't even fit on. A tower made out of blocks, with stuffed Familiar toys inside. A toy airplane flying around in circles on it's own, somehow. Creepiest of all, though, was that soft little tune that plays in here 24/7, despite there being no apparent source of music anywhere around.

“Rise and shine, Natey!” she shouts. He doesn't react, so she jumps on top of him and starts shaking him. The Wolf Familiar jumps up, startled, but relaxes when he sees it's just her. He'll never get used to her ways of waking her brother up. She's surprised that her brother, Nate, is still asleep. Normally he would have popped right up with Shadow, his Wolf Familiar. She keeps trying to wake him up for several minutes, until his eyes finally open.

“Annie, get off me...” he says with a yawn.

“Happy Birthday, Nate!” exclaims Annie, clapping her hands excitedly. Nate stands, stretching his arms out, and picks up one of his darts, throwing it behind him, without even looking. Annie ducks and screams, thinking he was aiming for her, but notices the dart hit the calendar, marking off the previous day. Annie is still amazed at how excellent his accuracy is, having never once missed his target.

“Just 730 days left...” he says. He does this every time he wakes up in the morning, counting off the days left until his eighteenth birthday. His eighteenth birthday is when he is supposed to be crowned King of the Emerald Empire, and the wait is killing him inside.

“And you almost overslept on your sixteenth birthday! How could you sleep so long on such a big day?” asks Annie.

“I had a dream.” he says.

“Oh? About what?” Annie asks, interested.

“The Basilisk, Serpent of Legend. I awakened it.” replies Nate. When he was really young, his father, Sartur, told him a story about a King who lived two hundred years ago and was best friends with a very powerful, legendary Serpent called Basilisk. Sartur told Nate that it is his destiny to awaken this Serpent, and use it's power to become the new ruler of the world.

“Really? What was it like? Did you become it's new master? Did you change the world? Was I there?” Annie barrages him with an onslaught of questions.

f“I can't remember...everything is a blur now. I just know for sure I awakened it.” he sits with his hand on his forehead, in deep thought.

Shadow curls up in Nate's lap. “Perhaps you had a vision into the future. Dreams can't just happen randomly, can they? I believe all our dreams are showing us glimpses of the future, although they might not always be perfectly accurate.” he says. Nate and his two sisters all have 'The Power', the ability to speak with Familiars, which is something nobody else can do. This is the reason why Sartur insists that Nate must be the King.

A frog Familiar hops out of Annie's skirt pocket. “Rubbish, Shadow, pure rubbish. Dreams are nothing but mere illusions in your head to keep your brain working while you sleep. It's what separates sleep from death.” he says.

“Croakie, that's just what simple minded fools who don't like thinking outside the box say.” barks Shadow.

“Is it ignorant, or are you just plain delusional?” responds Croakie.

“Cut it out, you two!” says Annie, shoving Croakie back in her pocket. “Anyway, Nate, today is your birthday, and I'm going to make sure you have a great time!”

“Why? What is there to celebrate? I haven't saved a single Familiar, something terrible could be happening to innocent Familiars. 730 days is far too long to wait! I need to be crowned King today!” he says, grasping his hair in frustration. He is very passionate and serious about his destiny.

“Well, nothing we can do about that right now. For now, let's get your hair fixed up. Can't be looking a mess on your big day!” says Annie, pulling out a hairbrush.

“What? No! I can take care of my own hair, I've told you that a thousand times already!” replies Nate, annoyed. He hates it how she doesn't let him take care of his hair himself.  He feels as if she babies him.

“Nope, you're too young to do it yourself, little Natey. Last time I let you brush your own hair, you looked like a walking mop.”

“...You're only a year and seven months older than me.”

“Thank you for proving my point, genius.” says Annie, and starts brushing his hair. Nate sighs and doesn't resist, which makes her giggle.

“So, what's your plan for my 'big day'?” he asks, petting Shadow as his sister brushes his hair.

“Secret!” Annie says, despite not really having a plan. They have never been able to do anything for their birthdays. Occasionally, Sartur would buy them a toy or two, but they would have to beg for that. They've never even tasted birthday cake before. In fact, they only know that most people celebrate their birthdays because they saw it in a book. Sartur tells them he doesn't want their minds corrupted by foolishness, but Annie just doesn't understand. Shouldn't they have some freedom? They aren't allowed to leave their rooms, and their rooms don't even have windows. He expects them to go on a journey outside the castle after Nate's coronation, but how does he expect them to adventure into a world they know little to nothing about? Can the world really be so cold that they can't even get a glimpse of it?

While she was brushing Nate's hair, there was a knock on the door, and a Soldier slid in a tray of breakfast for them; cinnamon waffles with eggs, hash browns, and milk. The Soldier then walked away without saying a word, shutting the door behind him. Since they aren't allowed to leave their rooms, a Soldier always brings food to them. Whenever they try to talk with the Soldiers, they say nothing and walk away, so the siblings gave up on trying to talk with them a long time ago. It's quite lonely not having anyone to talk to but themselves, and their Familiars.

When she was done with his hair, they ate their food, then decided to play a game of darts. They kept playing for a whole hour, and Nate won every single time, never once missing the bullzeye. Eventually she got tired of losing so badly, so she started digging through Nate's toybox to find something else for them to do, but everything in there is kiddy toys that anyone would think a sixteen and seventeen year old are far too old to be playing with. They end up just drawing pictures of each other and the Familiars. While doing this, the door suddenly bursts open, and a girl with very long, blonde hair, tied into a ponytail comes in. There's an expression of both shock and terror on her face.

“Connie? There you are! Where were you? I didn't see you when I got up this morning.” says Annie. Connie is their older sister, the oldest of the Emerald kids. Although they aren't allowed to leave their rooms, sometimes Sartur would take Connie to his room, and Nate and Annie never knew why or what he does with her. Annie thinks it must have something to do with her being the oldest.

“Nate...your coronation...” says Connie.

“What about my coronation?” asks Nate, standing with great interest.

“It's today!” she exclaims.

“WHAT?!” shouts everyone, including the Familiars, in utter shock and disbelief. His coronation is not supposed to be until two years from now.

“Are you making this up, Connie?” Annie asks, skeptical that this might be a horrible attempt at a joke, despite her sister's lack of a sense of humor.

Connie raises an eyebrow at her. “Uh, no? Why would I lie about something so serious?”

“But why is it suddenly today? If it was being changed to two years early, shouldn't we have been made aware of this ahead of time?” asks Annie.

“I don't know, he just told me to let you two know, and it begins in two hours, so get ready.”

This is all so sudden, Annie doesn't know how she should feel. Should she be excited that she's finally going to get to see the world outside the castle? Or should she be nervous that they are going to step out into a world that her Father has told them is very dangerous and tragic?

“Seems that you got your birthday wish, Natey. Are you sure you're ready for this?” asks Annie, running her fingers through her brother's hair.

“Of course. I've been waiting my whole life for this, and now it's finally here. The first door to my destiny is now unlocked.” he says, confidently.

Chapter Two

The walk out of their rooms was like being a caged bird finally set free to take flight; everything a new sight to them. Although Annie and Connie were allowed to come to Nate's room, they hadn't been allowed in the halls. There is a door in their room that leads straight to his. The walls are all emerald-colored, same with the shiny floor. They didn't even know how to get to the Throne Room, only successfully getting there because Sartur gave Connie directions. The halls are massive compared to their little bedrooms they are used too; at least three times the size of a football field, with many doors leading to unknown rooms, and staircases that led both up and down, showing that this wasn't even close to the whole castle.

They're now standing outside the Throne Room, waiting for Sartur to call Nate in. Dressed for the occasion, Annie and Connie are wearing elegant, emerald-colored dresses, and Nate is dressed like a king, wearing royal robes, and a very long cloak, both emerald, of course. The cloak is so long, his sisters are holding it up for him so he doesn't trip over it.

As they wait, they can hear Sartur speaking. “We gather here today...” he says, clearing his throat. “For an extremely important event. As you all know, our King was not supposed to be crowned until he became eighteen. However, I know that he is ready, despite his age! Therefore, the date has been changed from two years from now to today.” he says.

“I'm getting bored of just standing here.” Annie says, flapping Nate's cloak.

“And now. It is time to begin the coronation! Come, Nate Emerald! To the throne!” exclaims Sartur.

The large doors to the throne room slowly creak open, as if moving by Satur's command. Even after seeing the halls, the siblings can't help but be astonished by how huge the Throne Room is. Nate stares up in awe at the ceiling, which is several meters high, but shakes his head, focusing his gaze straight ahead. At the end of the Throne Room is, well, a throne, and like everything else, is emerald-colored. Sartur is standing next to the throne, holding a crown above his head, and seated next to the other five Wise Men. While walking on the long, rolled out carpet that led directly to the throne, Nate couldn't help but avert his gaze to the massive windows, being the only windows he's ever seen in his life, but they have curtains over them, preventing him from seeing out of them.

When he reached the throne, he could hear that the Wise Men are chanting something in another language he can't understand. That, along with the fact that he doesn't have a clue who they are, sent chills down his spine. Regardless, he sat in the throne, ready to be crowned king. He has waited his whole life for this moment and now it's finally here.

Sartur walks in front of him, crown raised high. “The one who dons this crown shall be the king of the Emerald Empire, king of us all! And one day, he shall be the world's new ruler! Nate Emerald, by accepting this crown, you not only take responsibility for the entirety of the Emerald Empire, you also receive the duty of going on a journey to awaken Basilisk, the Serpent of Legend, learn the truth about the Seven Demons, create a new world order, and restore peace to the world! Do you accept?” asks Sartur.

The part about Seven Demons took Nate by surprise. Never before has his father told him anything about Seven Demons. However, he feels as if now would not be a reasonable time to ask questions, and nods. “I accept.”

“THEN GIVE ME YOUR ARM!!!” Sartur suddenly grabs Nate's arm, handing the crown to one of the Wise Men, and pins Nate's arm down. Nate gasps as his Father pulls a knife out of his sleeve. This sudden change of event horrifies him and his sisters. Annie looks like she's gonna scream, but Connie covers her mouth. They both have terrified expressions on their faces. The chanting of the Wise Men gets louder, making the whole thing even more eerie.

Sartur pulls out a goblet, holding it in one hand, and raises the knife, about to strike it down into Nate's arm, but then something shocking happens. One of the Wise Men, Vincent, tackles Sartur to floor, making him drop both the goblet, and the knife. Everyone stares at the two men, not having expected this in the least. They both glance at the knife, and leap after it at the same time, Vincent getting to it first.

“Master Sartur!” says Wise Man Zart, about to go to Sartur's aid, but Sartur holds up a hand, signaling for him to stay in place.

“Stay in position, fellow Wise Men. I'll take down the traitor myself.” says Sartur. “So, Vincent, you finally show your true colors. Could this all be out of envy that your son is just a mere Soldier, while mine is about to become King?”

“Cut the crap, Sartur, I know the truth.” replies Vincent, holding the knife, ready to attack at any second.

“Oh? And what truth could that be, other than that you only have thirty seconds at most left to live?” asks Sartur, mockingly.

“Ha! And how are you going to kill me unarmed, you old fool?!”

“Like this.” Sartur says, stomping his foot on a specific spot on the floor, causing the floor far off to the side to open up. A ferocious roar can be heard from below, and the whole room starts to rumble, then something terrifying jumps out of the floor.

“What the HELL is that?!” Vincent says, dropping the knife in fear. It's a huge, metallic creature, with three canine heads. It has razor sharp blades for teeth, and a serpentine tail with a head of its own. And, of course, the creature is emerald. Annie screams at the top of her lungs at the sight of it, and the other Wise Men, except for Zart, all seem taken aback by it, though they keep chanting.

“Everyone, meet Citrouille. Citrouille, meet everybody. I have lunch ready for you, girl.” says Sartur, pointing to Vincent. Vincent staggers back, then turns and runs as fast as he can.

“I hate to inform you, but Citrouille eats traitors for lunch.” says Sartur, with a devious smile, and Citrouille leaps across the room, landing in front of him. The three heads then start viciously devouring him alive, flesh and blood splattering everywhere. Nate shuts his eyes to avoid seeing such a thing.

“Who's a good girl?” says Sartur, petting Citrouille as if she's his pet dog. He then picks the knife and goblet back up, and returns to Nate. “So sorry about the interruption, everyone. Now, where were we?” he says, pinning his arm down again, and without hesitation, strikes it down into his arm, drawing blood, and filling the goblet up with it. Nate grits his teeth, trying hard not to scream. He has to look like a king, not a frightened child.

“Now, all of you.” he says, turning to face the Wise Men and his daughters. “In order to show our loyalty, in order to prove our willingness to do anything for the king, we all must drink his blood!” he takes a sip from the goblet to demonstrate. Things just keep getting creepier every second. “Anyone who refuses, well, you'll be seconds for Citrouille.” he hands the goblet to the other four Wise Men, whom each take a sip from it, then walks over to Annie and Connie.

Annie's face is streaked with tears, and she's almost literally trembling, and Connie looks like she's trying to be brave, but is really just as frightened as Annie. Sartur hands her the goblet.

“Sis, you're not really going to...?” asks Annie, but Connie shoots her a look that says 'keep your mouth shut, little sis!' and takes the goblet, her hands trembling, and quickly takes a sip. She gags and looks like she's going to vomit, but she succesfully drank her sip. Now Sartur hands the goblet to Annie. She doesn't accept it, and drops to her hands and knees. Citrouille licks her lips, sensing more fresh meat. By now, Nate is ready to get up and do something, anything, but he's no fool. He knows that would be a terrible decision. Even still, he's supposed to be the king, isn't he? And all he can do is just sit and watch this unfold?

“Father, please no...I can't...” sobs Annie.

“You will.” says Sartur, not giving her a choice, and glaring at Connie. She nods, and holds Annie down, whom is shaking her head wildly and screaming “No, No, NO!!!” while Sartur forces it down her throat against her will, until every last drop is gone. Connie releases her, and she drops to her knees, crying like a baby. At least Citrouille didn't eat her, right?

“And that completes stage one of the coronation. Now for stage two...” says Sartur, pulling the knife out again. There's more? After what's already happened so far, what could possibly be next?

“Now that we've all proven our loyalty and trustworthiness, the king must do the same! We all must offer up our own blood, and let him drink it!” he exclaims, stabbing his own arm, letting the blood drip into the goblet. He then hands it to the Wise Men, who do the same thing, then walks over to Annie and Connie. This is more than Nate can take, so he shuts his eyes again. While his eyes are closed, he hears his sisters scream, and when their screams stop, he opens his eyes, and sees his father standing in front of him, handing him the goblet, half-full with some of everyone's blood.

Everyone else only took a sip, but he has to drink the whole thing. Surely this can't be healthy, in any way. As much as he doesn't want to do this, as the king, he must show leadership. They all drank some of his blood, and even offered their own to him. He takes the goblet, and gulps it all down at once, almost spitting it out, but willing himself not too. The three siblings now know the taste of human blood, and they will surely never forget.

“Well done, son.” says Sartur, patting Nate on the shoulder, and picking the crown up. “With the completion of stage two, we can finally enter stage three! The crowning of the king!” he says, and the Wise Men start their chanting again, bowing down to Nate. Sartur slowly raises the crown, gently placing it on Nate's head.

“Nate, you're now officially the king of the Emerald Empire. Let's create a bright new world together, everyone!” he shouts and claps. Citrouille licks Nate's face with each of it's three heads, congratulating him. Despite looking like she's made completely out of metal, her tongue felt real, and got saliva on his face. “All right, girl, back to your playhouse.” says Sartur, petting Citrouille, making the floor open up again. She wines like a little puppy, wagging her tail, clearly not wanting to go back down there. “Don't worry, daddy will bring you more fresh meat later.” Citrouille sticks her tongues out, panting happily, and goes back beneath the floor, Sartur closing it after her.

“Now that the coronation is over, it's time for the feast!” Sartur says, happily. “Nate, my king, during the feast, I shall explain your quest to you in detail. And all of you are required to be there. Or else, Citrouille might get to play again.” he says, and walks out, followed by the Wise Men.

A feast? How does he expect anyone to eat after that? They have the taste of human blood on their tongues, and witnessed a man eaten alive by a metal cerberus. At least now the siblings will get some explanations. They still don't know who those Wise Men are, or anything about these Seven Demons their father mentioned, along with much more they don't know.

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Posted on Fri Jan 16, 2015 6:22 am

I see some thing that's from Pokemon, and some thing that's not from Pokemon. All in all... Very good chapters.

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Posted on Sat Jan 17, 2015 12:11 pm

Grammar aside, three things stood out.

Firstly, avoid cliches. The title is a huge one. We all do it sometimes, but using cliches really lowers the quality of work in general, and people are going to read your title, groan, and stop reading in a lot of cases.

Second thing is to avoid stating things. For example, where you have "The world outside looks lifeless", you can easily make it clear that the world outside is lifeless without having to state it. In fact, you've almost done that, with "The grass, trees, and plants are all transparent and gray, leaving the world with no color." If you elaborate on description in cases like this and avoid using simple statements and instead use powerful and original imagery, your writing will improve very quickly.

Lastly, read it through. Avoid repeating the same words in the same sentence, as with "and is said to have turned itself to stone, and awaits the return of its master." or " clearly pregnant, with half of her hair magenta, and the other half blonde, clearly where the girls got their hair from." I reckon you'd pick out on things like this in a second if you read through what you'd written again. You'll find the odd typo as well.

Getting writing to the best point it can be is not instantaneous, but I reckon this has potential. The story progresses nicely and you've already started to build some characters quite well. I'd suggest not getting too far ahead of yourself though, because if you write too much of the story then need to go back to it and improve the whole thing at once it will seem like a chore. Start looking back at what you can add now.

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Posted on Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:49 pm

Thanks for the suggestions, j.j.! Didn't know The Beginning of the End was a cliche title though. Planned to have the first book titled The Beginning of the End, book two The Center of the End, and book three The End (its a trilogy). dunno what better name I could use for it.

"I'd suggest not getting too far ahead of yourself though, because if you write too much of the story then need to go back to it and improve the whole thing at once it will seem like a chore. Start looking back at what you can add now."

I know what you mean =S. I've rewrote it atleast three times already (I have wrote up to ch7, and am in the process of rewritting all the chapters again, posted Prologue through CH2 cuz I finished rewritting them.

I should be done rewritting ch3 tommorow

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Posted on Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:22 pm

Oh, fair enough if you're happy to completely rewrite chunks again and again. If you've already written it all out then my final comment is irrelevant.

By the way, is it supposed to be "convertion"? Because to me, that looks like a misspelling of "conversion". Was just bugging me a bit.

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Posted on Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:41 pm

It's spelled with a T instead of an S intentionally

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Posted on Sun Jan 18, 2015 2:26 pm

Chapter three is here, and it's way longer than ch1 and 2

Chapter Three

The rotten stench of vomit fills the air, as Connie walks to her brother's room, pinching her nose to block out the smell. After the coronation, Nate and Annie both went back to his room, and have been in there for about ten minutes now. But they are supposed to be in the dining room for the feast, and their father certainly will not be pleased if they don't attend. Connie opens the door and sees Nate, sitting on his skateboard ramp, staring blankly at nothing in particular, stroking Shadow's fur, and Annie is on her hands and knees, her face covered in snot and tears. There's a puddle of vomit on the floor next to her. Connie sighs and sits next to her little sister, putting her hand on her shoulder.

“Annie, get yourself cleaned up, you certainly can't attend a feast looking like this.” says Connie. Annie looks at her sister as if she just told her she's going to spend an eternity in hell.

“'re joking, right? After what just happened, you're thinking about food?! We drank Nate's blood, and he drank ours! We saw some crazy looking robot dog thing eat a man alive, and it could have ate me too!” she says, and vomits all over the floor. Nate takes off his crown, and throws it against the wall, making a loud sound. Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be cracked.

“I-I'm sorry...I should've...” he says, rocking back and forth, with his arms wrapped around his knees. Despite how calm he looked during the coronation, he looks like a total train wreck now. He tends to have extreme mood swings at times, which Connie can't stand, but she keeps calm.

“Nate, there is nothing you should've done that you didn't.” Connie tells him.

“Connie, I just sat there and watched it all unfold before my eyes. I wanted to do something, I did! I did! Yet I didn't do anything! That thing father called Citrouille could have ate Annie right then and there, and I'd be to blame! What type of king am I...?!” he says, tears running down his face. Connie is getting really annoyed now. Their father is not going to be pleased at all if they don't show up for the feast, and she's going to be the one who takes the blame for it, despite it being her younger siblings fault, just like always.

“Father wasn't going to make it eat her.” Connie says, turning to Annie. “Annie, you're his daughter, there is no way he would've just threw away your life like that. If he had it in him to do that, then why are you still alive? You refused to drink the blood, but instead of feeding you to Citrouille, he forced you to drink it. Why is that?” she asks her. Annie doesn't respond, stunned by the realization of what Connie is telling her.

“Exactly. He didn't because you're his daughter, and he loves you.” says Connie, although she's not too sure about that last thing she said. Annie still doesn't say anything, but understands, and nods, wiping her face with her sleeve.

“And Nate, let's say you're right, that you should have done something. What's sitting her crying about it going to fix?” Connie asks.

“I...” replies Nate, still rocking back and forth.

“If you're letting something this insignificant get to you, how do you plan to change the world? Come on little bro, you know you've got to be stronger than this. Think about the Familiars, and all the awful things they must be enduring as we speak. Are you just going to sit here and cry about that too?”

“The Familiars...they need me.” Nate jumps to his fit, a fiery passion suddenly in his eyes. “Let's go. We have a feast to attend.” he says, putting his crown back on. Connie sighs with relief, thinking this was easier than she expected, thanks to Nate's mood swings. Either that, or she's just a really good big sister. Or perhaps both.

After Annie washed off her face, the three siblings went to the dining room, which was a bit hard to find, especially with Nate and Annie wanting to see what was behind every door, and Connie having to stop them each time. But who could blame them? For the first time in their lives, they have freedom, so it's only natural for them to be curious about every little thing. They managed to find the dining room thanks to the map of the castle that their father gave Connie earlier. One would find it silly that they need a map to navigate in their own home, but they live in a giant castle, and have never left their rooms up until now, so what would you expect?

The dining room is just as massive as the throne room, if not bigger. There are dozens of tables, each with about twenty chairs at them, and a soldier seated in each chair. At the grandest table of all sat Sartur and the Wise Men. Their table has three empty seats at it, obviously for them. The tables are all filled with all sorts of delicious-smelling food, but nobody seems to have started eating yet. The room was full of conversation before the siblings entered, and now it's dead silent. Sartur stands up, and taps his glass with his fork, getting everyone's attention.

“Everyone, the king has graced us with his presence!” he says, and all the soldiers start applauding.

A male and female soldier walk up to Nate, and bow. “Greetings my Lord. I'm, uh, Soldier Maya, the head of the Emerald Empire Soldiers. I've heard so much about you, my Lord, I'm glad I finally get to see your face...I swear my loyalty to you.” says the female soldier. She's an Asian girl with brown hair, and looks to be around the same age as Nate. She didn't even acknowledged Annie or Connie.

“And I'm Soldier Andrew, co-head of the EE Soldiers.” says the red-headed male soldier, whom looks to be about the same age as Connie. He takes Annie and Connie's hands, and kisses them. “My apologies, Lady Annie, and Lady Connie, you see, Maya here likes to oogle at the sight of guys, so she didn't even notice you two there. But don't worry, I'll keep her in check, make sure she remembers who's chick she is.” he says, and grabs Maya's butt.

“Sh-shut up, Andrew! That's not true!” says Maya, her face flushed red.

“Tch, yeah, keep this one away from little Natey.” says Annie, not fond of the way Maya was looking at her brother.

Sartur taps his glass again, once again getting everyone's attention. “Before we begin our feast, there is something important you must know. I'm sure most of you noticed one thing: we are short of one Wise Man. During the king's coronation, we discovered that Wise Man Vincent was a traitor, but fear not! The traitor was brought to justice!” he says.

The smile is wiped off Andrew's face, and his expression changes to that of pure shock and hate. He's about to charge at Sartur, but Maya stops him. “That fucking bastard...he killed my father...” he says, covering his face with the palm of his hand.

“Now, since there was a traitor amongst the Wise Men, we fear that there might be a traitor within the Soldiers, and we certainly can't have that, can we?” says Sartur, smiling wryly. “OH CITROUILLE!” he shouts. Suddenly, a ferocious roar can be heard from above, along with the rumbling of Citrouille's footsteps. Annie clings to Nate, in fear of the beast that she thought was going to devour her only half an hour ago.

“What in the name of fuckity fucks is that?!” asks Andrew, looking from the Wise Men to the siblings. Citrouille then bursts through the door, causing many of the soldiers to scream, terrified. She runs through, her tongues sticking out and her tail wagging like an excited puppy, nearly bumping into several tables. When she gets to Sartur, she licks his face happily.

“You've been a good girl, Citrouille, so daddy's got a game for you: sniff out the traitor!” says Sartur, petting her. It pains the siblings a little inside how their father seems to treat Citrouille as more of his child than them. Excited, Citrouille walks around the room, stopping at every table, sniffing every single soldier seated at. The soldiers all shudder in fear, praying that the traitor Sartur speaks of doesn't turn out to be them. She tops at Andrew, sniffing him more carefully than she did with the other soldiers, then turns to Sartur, panting excitedly.

“Oh? Found us a traitor, have you? Good girl!” Sartur says, clapping for her.

“I-I'm not a traitor! I didn't do anything, I swear!” says Andrew, slowly backing up.

“Oh but you must have. Citrouille has a very good nose for traitors.” replies Sartur, grinning. Andrew tries to dash off, but Citrouille grabs him with her tail, and leans her heads in on him, mouths wide open, as if about to swallow him hole.

“Andrew!!!” cries Maya.

“No! Bad girl! Daddy did not give you permission to eat just yet!” yells Sartur. Citrouille covers her eyes with her ears, whining, sad that he yelled at her. “Don't worry girl, you may not eat this traitor for now, but why don't you show him your lovely playhouse?” Citrouille pants excitedly again, like a puppy whom just got a new chew toy, and walks out of the dining room with Andrew wrapped up in her tail.

“No, Andrew!” cries Maya again, devastated that Citrouille just walked off with her boyfriend, no clue what's going to happen to him. The other soldiers don't seem to care much about Andrew, but more relieved that it was someone else instead of them.

“I apologize for delaying our feast, everyone, but I shall tolerate no traitors. Now, we can eat!” says Sartur, gesturing his kids over to the table. They sit down, shocked that they saw this strange mechanical hellhound of their father's twice in one day, but glad they didn't have to witness her eat someone alive again.

“Children, I would like you to meet the Emerald Empire Wise Men.” says Sartur, introducing them to the Wise Men. He explains to them that he's the leader of the Wise Men, and that the Wise Men were the first members of the Emerald Empire, the highest ranked, and most trusted. That makes Sartur the second most important member of their Empire, right under the king himself.

“Father, what about Vincent, and that soldier that you let Citrouille take?” asks Connie, deciding that now is a good time to ask questions.

“That bastard, Vincent! Finally got what he had coming to him!” replies Zart, showing his hate for Vincent.

“Ah, yes, Vincent. Such a shame to see he truly was a traitor after all.” Sartur says, taking a sip of wine from his glass. “Vincent always wanted his son, Andrew to be the king instead of Nate, because he was the first Wise Man to have a son. His jealousy must have led him to act like a rebel.” he explains. Connie wasn't sure why, but she felt as if this wasn't the full truth.

“So, you think his son was a traitor too? That he would have tried to overthrow the whole empire or something?” she asks.

“We can't be certain whether or not Andrew had any involvement in his father's treason, however, we can't take any chances. Nate, you like building towers with your blocks, don't you?” Sartur asks. Nate nods, with a mouthful of mood, unsure why his father asked him this.

“Let's say one block in the tower decides it wants to be set up differently than the rest. What happens?”

“They all fall down.” answers Nate, stuffing himself like the king he is.

“Exactly. Not only that, but if one decides to betray us, what if he influences others to do the same? We can't have that, oh no.” says Sartur, shaking his head. The way he puts it makes perfect sense.

“Then...what are you going to do to Andrew, since you're not sure if he's guilty or not?” asks Connie.

“Pry out information, of course. If we decide he's innocent, then he'll be set free. If not, then Citrouille won't go hungry. Don't worry, we'll be gentle on him.” replies Sartur, smiling wryly.

Nate is about to ask a question this time, but Connie silences him with her hand, deciding she should be the one doing the question asking. “Speaking of Citrouille, what exactly is she? She didn't look like a Familiar.” she asks.

“We have advanced technology, and with advanced technology comes advanced creations.” Sartur says, giving no further explanation about Citrouille. “Now, today is the beginning of your journey, so there are some things we need to go over first. Let's see...where to begin.”

“The Demons you mentioned during the coronation. What are they?” asks Connie.

“Ah, yes, yes, the Demons of the Desert. There are seven Demons that live in the desert, which we know very little about. They are said to just be a myth, and are said by others to be a myth made to scare children away from wandering in the desert. However, I know they are real, as we have created an invention that let us see them with our own eyes.” explains Sartur.

“But what do they have to do with us?”

“We believe that these Demons might be able to be of huge aid to our goals, however, we can not communicate with them.” answers Sartur.

“That must be where I come in.” says Nate.

“Clever king! Since you three can speak to Familiars, perhaps you can communicate with the supernatural too.” Sartur says, although Connie thinks that's a pretty rash assumption.

“And what happens if we can't talk to them, or if they don't wish to help us?”

“If it comes to that, then I'll find a way to deal with them myself.” Sartur says, sinisterly. “But let's put these things aside for now, it's your birthday Nate! This is a time to celebrate!” he suddenly exclaims in a happy voice, taking his kids by surprise. Their father actually wants to celebrate Nate's birthday? Blasphemy! They've never once had a celebration for their birthdays, so why is he suddenly talking about celebrating? He never tells them happy birthday, nor does he even acknowledge their birthdays in the slightest.

Suddenly the doors swing open, and three soldiers come in, pushing a cart with a giant birthday cake on it. It's about three times the size of a wedding cake, with fifteen layers and sixteen candles ontop, lit with beautiful flames. The top layer reads 'Happy Birthday, King Nate!' The siblings are staring at it in awe, mouths dropped. A birthday cake? A real birthday cake? Their father did this for Nate?  

The soldiers stopped pushing the cart several yards away. “Everybody, please stand and sing the birthday song to our king!” says Sartur, with a huge smile on his face, and actually starts singing.

“All hail the king!
All hail the king!
Though still a child,
Our Lord Nate!
Shall change
The whole world!
Awaken Basilisk, Serpent of Legend!
Restore World Peace!
Happy Birthday
To our Lord Nate!”

As the soldiers sang, the Wise Men stood in a circle, chanting something like they did during the coronation, and Sartur sang along. He seriously looks...happy! Like he's having fun! Connie thinks this must be a dream, as this is completely out of character for their father. The father she knows is nothing like this. Nate's eyes are watering, and Annie has him embraced in a tight hug. This is all so heart warming, Connie thinks she might cry too. “Happy Birthday, Nate.” she says.

When the singing ended, Sartur pulled sixteen darts out of his sleeve, handing them to Nate. “Why don't you demonstrate your hawk-like accuracy to everyone, son?

“Uh...” Nate says, surprised that his father even knows how accurately he can throw a dart, considering how little attention he pays to them.

“What do you say, everyone? Who wants to see the king knock down all sixteen candles from yards away, without a single miss?” asks Sartur, and all the soldiers seem to approve.

“Alright then. Actually, I'll do it backwards, with my eyes closed.” says Nate, closing his eyes and facing backwards. Connie wants to call him a showoff, but she has never seen her brother this happy before.

“Hahaha! That's my boy!” says Sartur, with pride.

Nate doesn't look like he's even considering if he might miss, like he knows for sure the darts are going to go exactly where he wants. All sixteen candles fly off the cake, and onto to the floor. You'd expect the flames to have spread, but the fire was put out by the darts. When he threw them, there was a thin stream of water around them, like some type of magical aura, which put out the fire. How can such a thing even be possible?

“Simply outstanding! What a performance by our king!” says Sartur, leading everyone into applauding.

“Thank you, everyone.” says Nate, with an elegant bow. After that, one of the soldiers, Maya, cuts the cake, giving everyone a slice, obviously giving Nate the biggest slice of all. She still looks shattered by what happened to Andrew earlier. While they eat the cake, Connie decides she should ask more questions. “Father, those darts...”

“Advanced technology, dear.” replies Sartur, instantly. That seems to be his answer to everything. “I told you, I formed the EE Wise Men with the most intelligent men in the world, didn't I? Surely you don't think we are called 'Wise Men' for nothing.” he says.

“Yeah, if you exclude that bastard Vincent. May he rest in chaos.” says Zart.

“And these Wise Men...what were they chanting just a moment ago, and during the coronation?” she asks.

“A prayer.” says one of the other Wise Men, Garrison. “To bless you kids with success and safety.” he explains.

“And the Demons, if you've managed to prove they exist, that means you've seen them up close and personal, right?”

Sartur nods. “Indeed. They live in their own lair, hidden deep within the desert. I went there once, despite the danger, and tried to communicate with them, but obviously I couldn't. At the sight of a human, they went berserk, and...attacked me.” he says, touching the mask on the right side of his face. Connie feels like she asked too much now.

“I made a map showing how to get there, which I'll give to you later. But right now, it's PRESENT TIME!” he says in such an excited voice, it scares his kids. Once again, he is completely out of character. The door opens again, and soldiers are pushing in another cart, full of wrapped presents, which they sit at the table. Connie pinches herself, thinking this absolutely must be a dream, and Nate stares at the presents with a raised eyebrow, thinking his eyes are deceiving him too.

“Go on, son, open them up!” encourages Sartur. Nate nods, and hastily rips the first one open. Cellphones. One for each of them. Of course, Nate doesn't know what they are, and holds one up, staring at it curiously.

“These clever devices are called cellphones. People use them to keep in touch with each other. You three will need them in case you get separated somehow, and of course, to keep contact with me.” explains Sartur. Connie is disappointed at the fact that know, despite their freedom, their father will be able to contact them whenever he wants.

Nate opens the next one. A belt of daggers. “These daggers are a mighty fine weapon choice for someone with no idea how to miss his target like you, Nate. Like the darts I gave you earlier, these each have their own aura's, such as fire, water, lightning, some even toxic. You never know what might happen in this mad world, so you should always be ready for anything. ” explains Sartur.

“That sounds so cool...I want to try!” says Annie, reaching for the daggers, but Sartur slides them away. “Let's leave throwing things to the professional, shall we?” he says with a laugh. “This one is for all three of you.” he says, handing Nate the next present, which he rips open without hesitation. “Wallets. You'll need money with you at all times, and for us, money basically grows on trees. Nate, yours has $30,000 inside, Annie's $18,000, and Connie's $100,000.”  That's how much money they will be carrying around in their wallets. More than the average working man makes in a year.

“How come mine has the least? That's not fair...” pouts Annie.

“Let's just say that money has to be spent responsibly, and leave it at that.” Connie can't help but laugh at this. Their father just called Annie irresponsible, which was too true. She can be such an airhead at times. “The last three are very special.” he says, handing one to each of us. Necklaces. Connie's is shaped as the sun, Annie's the moon, and Nate's a star.

“Those necklaces belonged to your mother. I've kept them locked away so I could have something to remember her by, but you three have never even seen her. You need these far more than I do.” Sartur says, his voice full of sorrow. Connie really thinks she must be imagining things now, as she just saw a tear drop down her father's face.

As far as Annie and Connie know, the story of what happened to their mother is really tragic. So tragic, their father never even told Nate. She was terrified of 'The Power', and kept herself locked up so she wouldn't have to see her kids. But it wasn't them she was afraid of, it was what the world might do to them because of this power. The very thought of it drove her insane. Every time she became pregnant, she became terribly ill, which to her, was a harbinger of doom.

When she became pregnant with Nate, she got even more ill than she did with Connie or Annie. This drove her so insane, Sartur had to keep her on a suicide watch. She even tried to kill her own daughters once. That's just how much she loved them. She'd rather send them straight to heaven than let them live in this cold world. But when Nate was born, she died, supposedly his birth being the cause of her death. This explains why he never told this story to Nate, and told Annie and Connie to never let him know. He's very emotional about having no mother, and knowing that his own birth is what caused her death would just crush his poor little heart into tiny pieces.

“Nate, your mother's one wish before she died was that you become the greatest leader to ever walk the face of the earth. That you restore peace and color to this world.” he says, and actually hugs Nate. This is the only time the siblings can recall any of them ever being hugged by their father.

“I know you'll fulfill her wish. You're going to be the greatest ruler of all time. You're going to change the world. You'll be known in history as the most powerful ruler of all time. You have no idea how proud I am to call you my son.” This is the most touching thing their father has ever said to any of them.

“Connie.” Sartur says, turning to her. “Please keep your little brother and sister safe. I can't afford to lose anyone else I love.” he says. Connie nods, and she can no longer hold her tears back. That's the first time he's ever said he loves them.

Nate's destiny is to restore peace to the world, and Connie's is to keep her family safe and sound.

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Posted on Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:19 pm


You still need to work on words being redundant and showing people's emotions rather than just saying what they are. First of those can be shown with "pinching her nose to block out the smell."- I'd say the "to block out the smell" is a redundant addition and it says more without it. Assume the reader knows that people might pinch their nose to block out a smell and similar basic reactions.

Secondly, really push the characters' feelings and show things they are doing. " Connie is getting really annoyed now. " is not as believable, as, say, "Connie turns her head and sighs, a frustrated look on her face", which, in turn, is less believable than "Connie turns her head and sighs, mistakenly allowing Annie to glimpse a bead of sweat running down the side of her head" Using description to show what people are feeling without actively saying "This is how this character is feeling" allows for different interpretations of characters' feelings, and makes them overall seem more sophisticated and thought-out. Yes, keep the odd adjective for describing emotion, but it does improve the writing the more you can do this.

Honestly, if you can do that throughout the novel, this will read really well. I'm liking how things are panning out, though I may have less time to read for a few days.

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Posted on Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:25 pm

Thank you J.J. I will try that.

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Posted on Sun Jan 18, 2015 10:07 pm

JJ said enough for me.

I still wanna know if it was the birth that killed their mother, or was it The Power?

Also, what happens to Andrew? Do not leave that out of the story.

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Posted on Tue Jan 27, 2015 6:09 pm

^Don't worry, it'll come back to Andrew

Finished chapter 4 few days ago but couldn't post it cuz internet was out. welp, here it is.

Chapter Four

Now that the feast is over, it's time for the siblings to embark on their journey, but first, Nate returns to his room, to change out of his ridiculous king outfit. Shadow, whom was sleep the whole time, jumps into his arms, licking his face. “So, we're finally leaving the castle now.” he says.

“Shadow, are you sure you want to come? You don't have too if you don't want too. I can't force you to go back into the world that caused you so much pain.” says Nate, knowing how much Shadow struggled in the real world.

“Of course I'm coming! My life is in debt to the EE. I probably wouldn't even be alive today if I hadn't been brought to this castle. Besides, I'd never want to be anywhere without you, Nate.” Shadow and Nate are very best friends, the two can't imagine life without each other.

The door leading from Nate's room to Annie and Connie's room opens. “Natey, you ready? Connie is waiting.” says Annie, also changed out of her royal clothes.

“Yeah, let's go.” replies Nate, putting the dagger belt around his waist. He also makes sure to grab his skateboard, folding it into a size small enough to put into his pocket. For the first time in their lives, they are going to leave the castle. Nate doesn't know what to expect, but knows he must be ready for anything.

They leave his room, and go all the way to the bottom of the castle, where they find Connie and Sartur, waiting next to a massive door. “Are we all ready?” asks Sartur. They nod, so he opens the door, a cool breeze entering the castle. They can see the sky, the clouds, all these unique outside sights they've only seen in books. For them, it's like stepping into a fictional world. The complete lack of color, however, takes them by surprise.

“I bid you farewell, children. Remember, keep your identities as members of the Emerald Empire secret until the time is right.” says Sartur, closing and locking the door as they step outside. Nate looks back to get a look at the castle from the outside, but it seems to be gone. He touches the air where the castle shoulder be, but feels nothing, and remembers that their castle is invisible.

“Are we never going to see our home again...?” says Nate in a whisper, still trying to feel the castle, to confirm to himself that it's still there.

Connie, not hearing him, takes her map out of her purse. “Finding the Demons should be our main priority right now, so our destination right now is the desert.” she says, looking for the desert on the map. “Let's see, which way do we go...”

“Can I see the map?” asks Annie, grasping for the map, but Connie raises it above her head, making it impossible for her sister to grab it, since she happens to be several inches taller than her. Annie keeps jumping and grabing for it, but to no avail. “Aww come on, sis, don't be stingy!” she pouts.

“If I let you have it, you might do something silly, like lose it, or rip it.” replies Connie, her eyes widening in shock as the map is suddenly pulled from her hands. “Huh? How did you...?”

“Yipee! Good job, Croakie! Your long tongue is the best!” cheers Annie, holding Croakie up with pride, spinning in a circle with him.

“Really, Annie? Using a Familiar to get your ways?”

“Croakie likes helping me, don't you?” asks Annie, Croakie replying with a croak. Connie tries to get it back from her, but Annie, of course, resists. While they fight over it, Nate begins to hear something, a distant female voice singing.

“Shadow, do you hear that?” he asks, turning around.

“Hm? Hear what?” asks Shadow, unable to hear anything other than Annie and Connie fighting.

Nate doesn't know why, but the voice he hears seems to be drawing him in. He takes out his skateboard, and rides it in the direction he hears the voice coming from. His sisters are so caught up in their ridiculous fight, they don't even notice their brother slipping away. After several minutes, he finds the source of the voice. It's a girl, who looks to be around his age. She has long black hair, and she's wearing a short, black dress with no sleeves. Seated on her shoulder is an Owl Familiar, hooting along to her song. For some odd reason, Nate feels as if he knows this girl, but knows for a fact he has never seen her before.

Nate, one step at a time, walks closer to her, and when she notices him, she stops singing, and turns around, grinning wickedly at him. Now that she's facing him, he can see that her eyes are two different colors: one red, one blue. Snapped out of his daze, Nate takes a few steps back, feeling as if he made a mistake by following her voice. The girl seems to disappear, and Nate feels cold fingers on his shoulder. He quickly turns around, with gritted teeth and balled fists, and sees that she was right behind him.

“I take it you liked my singing?” she asks him, with a giggle.

“H-How did you...?” Nate asks, blinking in confusion.

“Oh singing isn't that hard, really. If you'd like, I could give you lessons.”

“No, not that! How did you teleport behind me, or whatever it was you did?”

“Oh, you mean this?” she teleports behind him again, and swipes his skateboard from under his feet, making him fall on his butt.

“Hey, that's mine!” shouts Nate, getting back to his feet.

“You wouldn't mind me taking it for a spin, would you?” she asks with a giggle, then starts riding it in circles around him.

“Give that back to him!” barks Shadow, chasing after her, but the Owl flies off her should, swooping Shadow up with it's talons, flying around in circles, making him dizzy, then flies up really high, and drops him.

“Shadow!” cries Nate, diving to the ground to catch him, his clothes now filthy from the mud. “Why would you do that to another Familiar?!” he asks, glaring at the Owl, but it says nothing, not even a sound.

“This is a nice board, you don't mind if I keep it, right?”

She's trying to take his skateboard, and made her Familiar attack Shadow, so Nate can instantly tell that this girl is one of the terrible people making the world such a bad place. It's people like her why he needs to create a new world order. Realizing this, he reaches to his waist, grabbing one of his daggers, but she notices, and teleports behind him yet again, easily taking it from him.

“Planning to throw this at me, were you?” she says, smirking. Nate doesn't know what to do, since she can just keep teleporting away from him. He wishes he had just stayed with his sisters now. A loud ringing noise suddenly erupts from his pocket, startling him, then he realizes it's his cellphone. He takes it out, and sees that Connie is calling him. They must be wondering where he got off too.

“Connie?” he says, as he answers it.

“Nate? Where the hell are you? I look away for one second, and poof! You're gone!” yells Connie, clearly not happy with her brother. Before he can respond, the Owl swipes his phone out of his hand, giving it to the girl.

“Don't worry about those two, you're playing with me right now, Nate.” How does she know there's two of them? How does she know his name?

“Thief!” yells Shadow, barking like a wild dog, pouncing at her, but she teleports away again, and stomps on his back.

“Stop hurting Shadow!” yells Nate.

“Why? Does it upset you when I do?” she asks, stomping on him again, making him scream in pain.

“Yes! Yes it does!” shouts Nate, throwing a dagger at her, but, of course, she teleports behind him, this time kicking him in the back, making him fall to his knees.

“Okay, I'll hurt you instead, and leave him to Nocturne.” she says, and the owl, Nocturne, flies after Shadow, trying to scoop him up again, but he bites down on it's talons, and chews them so viciously, they come off. There's so much blood from Nocturne on Shadow's mouth, he looks like a predator that just finished devouring his prey.

“Shadow, what did you...?” asks Nate, completely shocked by his friend's brutality. He never thought he would see Familiars fighting like this, nor could he ever imagine such aggression in Shadow's eyes.

“I'll protect you no matter what, Nate.” says Shadow, licking his lips.

“Useless Familiar, get out of my sight.” the girl says, and the injured owl flies away as best as it can. With how much it's bleeding, it's sure to die. Her Familiar is wounded so seriously because of her, and she tells it to get out of her sight? This girl disgusts Nate.

“Give my friend his skateboard and phone back, now!” barks Shadow.

“Quiet, you stupid mutt.” she says, annoyed by Shadow's barking, unable to understand his voice. “Now, back to playing with Nate.” she says, kicking him in the chin. She's about to kick him again, but feels teeth in her leg, and sees that Shadow bit her.

“Stupid mutt, you've made me mad now!” she says, kicking Shadow in his temples so hard, it knocks him out.

“I told you, stop hurting him!!!” yells Nate, jumping to his feet, and swings his fist at her. She dodges without even teleporting, and uppercuts him, followed by a right hook to his jar. She continues to beat him to a pulp until he can resist no more, then lifts his head up, cupping her fingers under his chin, and staring directly into his eyes. Nate doesn't know what's happening, but he feels lightheaded, and everything seems to have become a black haze.

“Who...who are you?” he asks.

“Who am I?” she chuckles. “I'm your fucking nightmare! Kehehehe, hahaha!!!” she says, and Nate passes out, hearing her cackling like an evil witch.

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Posted on Wed Jan 28, 2015 12:38 am

Seems like I read some of those parts before... Maybe from your Pokemon stories? Over all, good chapter. ^^

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Posted on Mon Feb 23, 2015 12:09 pm

VERY late, but here's CH5

Chapter 5

It's his seventh birthday at the time, and he's sitting on the floor with emotionless eyes, moving his eyes back and forth across the tracks, staring at the ceiling The door opens, and his sisters, who are eight and nine at the time, walk in, with big smiles on their faces, holding something, wrapped like a present, behind their backs.

“Happy birthday, Nate!” they both say.

Nothing special ever happens on their birthdays. To Nate, it's just another day passing by until his coronation. He can't understand why his sisters are so happy. Then he notices what they have behind their backs.

“Annie, Connie, what's that?” he asks, pointing to it.

“It's a present! Open it up!” exclaims Annie, excitedly, as they sit it down. It wasn't easy, but they managed to talk their father into buying Nate a birthday present.

“Open it...?” asks Nate, tilting his head, confused. He had never seen anything wrapped before.

“Here, I'll show you.” says Connie, ripping off some of the wrapping paper to show him what to do.

When Nate finished unwrapping it, he gasped. He has never seen anything like this before in his life.

“What is this?” he asks, staring at it curiously.

“It's a skateboard!” exclaims Annie.

“What does it do?” he asks, pushing it across the floor, watching it roll.

“You ride it on it. Let me show you.” says Connie, standing on it with one foot, and kicking off with the other. Nate and Annie watch her with excited eyes and big smiles.

“See? Now you try, Nate.” she says, handing it to him.

Nate stands on it and kicks off, just like Connie. He got the hang of it pretty quickly.

“Wow, this is fun!” he says, riding around the room, then hops off, and embraces his sisters in a big hug.

“Thank you Annie, thank you Connie!” he says, happily.

His sisters giggled. “You're welcome, Nate.”

Nate wakes up and sees that he's somewhere he doesn't recall falling asleep at. He's lying on a bed in what seems to be a tiny little building, at least, compared to his castle. Last thing he remembers, he and Shadow were attacked by a mysterious girl who stole his skateboard and cellphone. Where is he now and how did he get here? Did she kidnap him?

“You're awake, my Lord!” says a female voice. Nate jumps up, shocked, then sees that it's Maya, the Soldier who introduced herself during the feast. She's sitting right next to his bed, as if she was watching him sleep the whole time.

“Where am I? Where are my sisters?”

“You're in a hotel, my Lord. Me and several other Soldiers were on a mission when we bumped into Lady Annie and Lady Connie. They ordered us to find you, which we did. They said that they are going to buy some supplies, and told me to watch you until they get back, my Lord.” she explains.

Nate looks around, and sees another soldier seated in a chair, arms crossed. Andrew, the one that Citrouille walked off with during the feast. There's a nasty scar going diagonally from his right eye to his chin. “Tch. This is stupid, why do we have to babysit the king?” he says with displeasure.

“Soldier weren't made into dog food. I assume you were proven innocent?” asks Nate.

Andrew raises an eyebrow at him, a hurt expression on his face, which quickly changes to anger. He stands up with balled fists, and approaches Nate, but Maya stands in front of him, and shakes her head.

“Damn sense of morality.” he says, touching his scar. Nate doesn't seem to hear him, and is searching all around the room.

“Where's Shadow?” he asks, no longer interested in what happened to Andrew.

“He's hiding in the bathroom.” Maya says, pointing to the door to the bathroom. Nate goes in, and sees Shadow, sitting on the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

“AH!!!” he yells, clawing at the mirror.

“Shadow, you okay boy?” asks Nate.

“Nate, I'm sorry...I failed to protect you.” replies Shadow, tears in his eyes.

“It's okay, Shadow, I never asked you to try to protect me. I'm the one who failed to protect you. You're my only friend, I can't afford to lose you.” says Nate, picking Shadow up. “But don't worry, everything's going to be okay. I'm the king, I can take care of myself, and the whole empire.” he says with a smile.

The sound of a door opening in the bedroom can be heard. “Natey, we're back~!” calls Annie's cheerful voice.

“Come on, Shadow.” says Nate, as he walks out of the bathroom with Shadow.

“Natey!” exclaims Annie, dropping two shopping bags to embrace her brother in a tight hug.

“Dammit, Annie! What if you had broke something?” says Connie, picking up the bags her sister dropped.

“I don't think you can break bread, Connie...” says Annie, playing with Nate's hair.

“But what if there was something fragile, like eggs in there? You're just so irresponsible...” sighs Connie.

“Well I see that you two are okay.” says Nate.

Connie raises an eyebrow at him, then walks up to him, and slaps him in the face. “Where the hell did you go?! How could you just wander off by yourself like that? You know better than this, Nate!”

“Connie, there's no need to be so aggressive...Natey didn't mean any harm, right Natey?” says Annie.

“You be quiet! This is also your fault. If you hadn't been trying to take the map from me, I would've noticed his ass walking off! So you're equally to blame!”

“A-anyway...Nate, what happened to you and Shadow?” asks Annie, touching a bruise on her brother's face.

“We were attacked!” exclaims Shadow.

“Attacked? By what?”

“It was a girl. She did weird stuff like teleport, and she took my skateboard and cellphone. Not only that, but there was something about her that just felt...familiar.” explains Nate.

Connie glares at him, eyes widened. “Are you being serious right now?” she asks, hoping he will say no, but he nods in response. “Nate, do you realize how hard it was to get Father to buy you that skateboard? Not only that, but just imagine when he tries to call your phone, and either nobody answers, or some girl with magic teleporting powers answers!” she says, furiously.

“I know...this is all my fault, I'm sorry, Connie.”

“Natey, what did this girl look like?” asks Annie.

“She had black hair, and she had one blue eye, and the other red, also she wore a black dress.” says Nate, and Annie seems to be taking mental notes.

“Hmm. Well, if, I ever see her, I don't expect her to ever see the light of day again.” says Annie, in a serious voice, unlike her usual carefree self. The change in her tone and expression caught Nate off guard. Nobody said anything for a while, until Nate started looking through the bags his sisters brought in.

“What's in these bags anyway?” he asks.

“Oh, just supplies, like food and water, and backpacks to carry the stuff in.” explains Connie.

“We're going to be carrying food on our backs...?” asks Nate. His whole life, he was used to Soldiers bringing food to his room every day, so the thought of them actually buying and making food themselves, not to mention carrying it on their backs, took him by surprise.

“Well, we're going to the desert, and we have no idea what might happen, so we need to be prepared for the worst. For all we know, we might get stranded there for weeks.”

“Connie don't say that! That's way too scary to think about.” says Annie.

“Anyway, we should head out asap, but first, we need to get you and Shadow to a doctor, Nate.” says Connie.

“Huh? I don't need a doctor, I'm fine.” replies Nate.

“Me either, I'm fine too!” says Shadow.

Nate and Shadow convinced Annie and Connie that they didn't need to see a doctor, so they stuffed the backpacks Connie brought for them with the supplies, put them on, and left the hotel, heading to their destination, to meet the Demons. Outside, the ground was covered in brown stuff called sand, according to Connie. There didn't seem to be many buildings where they were, but the few small buildings they saw were covered in sand from the top, as if this little town had been hit by a sandstorm.

“This place is pretty boring...there's nothing here.” says Annie, with a yawn.

“Well, we won't be here for long, we are going straight to the desert after all.” says Connie, while looking at the map.

“Wait, what's that?” asks Nate, pointing to a building much bigger and fancier than the rest.

“Oh? Now this looks interesting. Come on, Natey, let's go check it out!” says Annie, grabbing her brother's hand, and running towards it.

“Hey, wait up, you two!” yells Connie, running after them. By the time she caught up with them, they were already inside, so she had no choice but to go in with them. Inside, she saw both Nate and Annie, looking around in amazement.

“There you two are! What did I tell you about-” she says, but is interrupted by a male voice.

“Why hello there! Welcome to my museum! It's quite rare we get visitors these days. May I get your names?” says a short man wearing glasses.

“Uh, hello. I'm Connie, and this is my little brother and sister, Nate and Annie.”

“Would you like me to give you the tour of the museum?” asks the museum owner.

“No, thanks. We were just passing by and noticed this place, but we should really get going.” she says, shooting her brother and sister a glare.

“Oh come on sis, don't be such a party pooper! We want this tour, sir!” says Annie.

“Great! Then follow me!” says the museum owner.

Connie sighs and shakes her head, but follows them anyway. The museum owner takes them around the whole museum, showing all sorts of interesting sights to them, such as fossils, dinosaur skeletons, and more.

“And, last but not least, we have the room of royalty.”

“Royalty? But, there's nothing here...” says Annie, disappointed that this room is completely empty.

“Well, at least, it used to be the room of royalty, however, years ago, someone stole everything from here. This room was the main attraction of my museum, and now that it's been robbed, nobody ever comes here anymore.” says the museum owner.

“What made it so royal? What did you have in here?” asks Nate.

“Items that used to belong to the king. His robes, throne, and even the crown, just to name a few. I suppose it's no surprise someone would steal stuff like that.”

“How did you get your hands on the king's stuff?” Nate asks, very curious now.

“Well, that, I'm afraid I can't tell you. Anyway, that's the end of the tour. I hope you had a memorable experience.”

“Goodbye, 'no longer a royalty room', say cheese!” says Annie, taking a picture of the room with her phone, like she had been doing the whole tour. “Guess we have to go to the Demon's Desert now...” she says, as they begin to walk out.

“I-I'm sorry, but did you just say you are going to the Demon's Desert?” asks the museum owner.

“Yes, why? Do you maybe know how to get there? My sister here is very stingy with the map.” says Annie.

“B-But why? Why would anyone want to go there?! Don't you know what happens to anyone who goes deep in the desert?” he asks.

“No, what are you talking about?” asks Annie, confused.

“They say that no one has ever entered that desert and came back. It's believed that there are demons who live in the desert and curse anyone who goes there.”

“Yes, the demons are exactly why we are going there. We would like to meet the demons and talk to them.” says Connie.

“You kids are crazy...what the heck makes you think you can do something like that?”

“It's our own business we need to take care of. And we should really get going, like, right now.” replies Connie.

“Right now? If you really must go there, then let me at least advise you not to go until sunset. During the day, it gets really hot there, but while the sun is down, it's much more bearable. Although I can't say it won't be quite spooky exploring that desert in the dark...” he says.

“I see, thank you for the information.” says Connie, as they leave the museum.

Last edited by Rika Furude on Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Posted on Tue Feb 24, 2015 7:22 am

“Well, we won't be here f or long, we are going straight to the desert after all.” says Connie, while looking at the map.

^ Need to fix the word 'for'.

And now I finally know what happened to Andrew!!!!

Also, the museum guy knows something. But what?

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Posted on Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:58 pm

Thank you for pointing out that space error! Would've been embarrassing to print it out with that there.

Since I finished school 3 months early, I had nothing to do today but watch AMV's, listen to RED's new album, and write chapter 6, so ya, here's CH6

Chapter Six

“So, what are we going to do while we wait for the sun to set?” asks Nate, stroking Shadow's fur as he walks.

“The plan was to go straight to our destination, but, since we don't want heat exhaustion, we'll wait. Perhaps we should go back to our hotel room in the mean time?” suggests Connie. “Eh? Annie, what are you doing...?” she asks, staring at her sister with a raised eyebrow.

“So this stuff is sand, huh?” Annie says, sitting in the sand, scooping it up and playing with it in her hands. “I've always wanted to build a sand castle.” she says.

“Uhm, you'd build a sand castle at the beach, not a place like this. And you're getting your clothes filthy, get up!” exclaims Connie.

Annie, ignoring her, continues trying to make her sand castle, until she hears soft screams, then starts to feel sharp pain on her arms and legs. “Oww! What was that?” she says, holding her hand in pain.

“Look at where you're sitting...that's an anthill.” says Connie, pointing to a tiny little hill next to Annie.

“This human is attempting to destroy our home! Soldiers, attack and protect the queen!” orders one of the ants.

“Eek! Ah! No, ow! I'm sorry, little guys, I didn't know this was your home! Ow ow ow!!! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” apologizes Annie, trying to shake them off as they crawl up her clothes, biting her. People walking past stare at her like she's crazy. “Is she retarded...?” a man whispers to his wife.

“Cut it out, Annie, people are staring at us...” says Connie.

“Ow! It hurts! Why are you two just standing there? Help me! Ow! There are ants in my pants!”

“Excuse me, sir.” says Nate, letting one of the ants crawl on his finger.

“Is this human trying to communicate with us...?” asks the puzzled ant.

“Yes, I am. I suppose you've never had a conversation with a human before.” replies Nate, with a chuckle. “You ordered your soldiers to attack my sister. She did not mean to threaten your home and your queen, and she is very sorry. If you could order them to stop attacking her, we would be very grateful, and will move away from your home.” the ants discuss it over with each other, then agree to leave her alone.

“That was painful...” says Annie, rubbing her arms and legs. When she looks up, she sees several people staring at her as they walk past. “How come they are staring at me like that?”

“Well, they just saw a seventeen year old girl dancing around like a fool, complaining about ants in her pants, so...”

“But that was so painful and unexpected...I didn't know the little ants lived there, it's not my fault.”

Connie crosses her arms. “It is your fault, for not listening to me when I told you to get up. Anyway, you need to take a bath and change out of those filthy clothes, so we're going back to the hotel.” says Connie.

It took them a while to get back to their hotel room due to Nate and Annie playing with the elevator buttons like little kids. As soon as they got to their room, Connie made Annie get straight in the bath. Nate, out of curiosity, started messing around with something, which Connie explained to him is a TV, and that they should leave it alone because their Father wouldn't want them watching it.

“What can we do until we wait for the sun to set then? There are no toys here, nor any books. This is far too different from the castle.” says Nate, sitting on the bed, tapping his foot with a sigh.

“We'll just have to get used to it, Nate. We'll need to eat before we head out, so why don't you help me make us something to eat?” says Connie, taking stuff out of her backpack.

“But cooking my meals is the soldiers' job, not ours. I've never heard of Kings cooking for themselves.” replies Nate.

“Oh well then, if you won't eat anything not cooked by a soldier, I guess you'll just have to go hungry. Maybe Shadow would like to have your plate?” says Connie, Shadow licking his lips at the thought of extra food.

“Huh? That's not funny...”

“Then get off your butt and help me out.”

Nate helps her fix something for them to eat, but with what they had, along with no access to a kitchen, all they could make was sandwiches with fruit. Since they had no knives, they had to use one of Nate's daggers as a replacement, but when Nate came close to chopping his finger off while cutting an apple, Connie told him to just sit down and watch. After a while, Annie came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel.

“Me and Croakie are all clean~” she says, hugging Nate from behind. Nate doesn't understand why, but he feels a strange heat in his cheeks, as if they are burning up. His sister hugs him like this at least ten times a day, why is he suddenly getting this unusual feeling from her?

“Looks like this filthy mutt could use a good bath as well.” says Croakie, staring at Shadow, whom made a mess with his food.

“What did you call me, you slimy toad?!” barks Shadow.

“Toad? I am no toad! I am a frog!”

“Toad, Frog, yeah yeah, same thing. Both are slimy nuisances, so what's the difference?”

“Oh, that does it!” croaks Croakie, leaping at Shadow, but Annie grabs him.

“What did I tell you about starting fights with Shadow?” she says, as she sits down on the bed, brushing her wet hair. He croaks at her, but says nothing.

“So, Annie, is there a good reason why you're sitting around without any clothes on?” asks Connie.

“You kept complaining about them being dirty, and we didn't bring any of the rest of our clothes from the castle, so...”

Connie slaps her own forehead. “Damn, how did we forget to bring clothes of all things? I guess I'll have to see if there are any shops here that sell clothes.”

“Shopping! I'll go with you!” says Annie, jumping to her feet in excitement.

“Not without any clothes on your body you aren't. Nate, stay here and make sure she doesn't do anything else stupid, okay?” says Connie, leaving the hotel room and shutting the door behind her.

With Connie gone, Nate sits in silence, feeling an awkward presence in the air. When Annie finished brushing her hair, she rolled her towel above her knees so she could rub lotion on her legs. Nate felt as if her legs were magnetic, and his eyes were metal. He kept trying to avert his gaze, but his eyes refused to look away.

“Something wrong, Natey?” asks Annie.

“Huh? Uh, oh, no, ah, I, uh...” he stutters, scratching the back of his head.

“You seem awfully quiet, is something on your mind?” she stands up and walks over to him, running her fingers through his hair, and down his head to his chin. “You know you can tell me anything~”

“Uh...I have to go to the bathroom.” he says, and runs into the bathroom.

Annie tilts her head. “That was odd.” she says, then shrugs her shoulders, guessing she must've been imagining it. “So, Shadow, Croakie, you guys ready for our desert adventure?”

“Of course! I'm always ready for anything!” replies Shadow.

“I, on the other hand, do not look forward to dry, hot weather.” says Croakie, shuddering at the thought of it.

“I wonder how long it will take for the sun to set. Oh! I know! Maybe the sun doesn't set unless it's dark! So I just have to turn out the lights, and then night will come quicker, right?” exclaims Annie, running over to the light switch, turning it off, making the room pitch black.

“I'm pretty certain that this isn't how it works.” says Shadow.

“Sure it is! Let's just wait a little bit longer, and the sun will be down, while the moon will be up, all thanks to me!”

They wait patiently for half an hour, until Nate finally comes out of the bathroom. “Huh? Why is it so dark? W-Whoa!” he says, tripping over something, and falling on top of Annie.

The door opens and the light flicks on. “I'm ba-...What the hell...? Do I even want to know?” Connie says, seeing Nate on top of the nearly naked Annie.

“The light's back!” says Nate, getting back to his feet.

“Oh hi Connie. You took quite awhile.” says Annie.

“Just put the clothes on.” says Connie, tossing a bag of clothes at her. “We don't have a permanent place to stay on our journey, at least, not yet, meaning we don't really have anywhere to keep a bunch of clothes. So, I only got you one change of clothes, if you manage to ruin them somehow, it's on you.”

“Oki, thanks sis!” Annie says, going in the bathroom to change. After about five minutes, she came out in her new clothes.

“It's starting to get dark outside, so I think it's time we head out.” says Connie.

“Oh? See, Shadow? I TOLD you that turning out the lights would make the sun go down!” says Annie, clapping her hands.

“What? That's not how the sun works, Annie. While the sun is up, it's slowly going down, while the moon is gradually coming up, and vice versa.” explains Connie. “Anyway, we're all ready to go, right?”

Everybody nods, so they exit the hotel and head out to their destination.

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Posted on Tue Feb 24, 2015 2:48 pm

Okay.... That chapter was funny. xDD

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Posted on Thu Feb 26, 2015 1:33 pm

Good to know I succeeded in making a funny chapter Smile. Decided the story could use a bit of lighthearted humor as a change of tone from the usual dark, seriousness in each chapter.

Chapter 7

After leaving the hotel, Nate and his sisters arrived in a place with much deeper sand, no buildings, and gentle winds blowing the sand through the air.

“So that's the moon...beautiful.”  says Nate, staring at the night sky in amazement.

“And those are the stars? They're so small, what if one were to fall from the sky?” asks Annie.

“They only look small because they are so far away. If one were to actually fall, the earth would be scorched and we would all die.” says Connie.

As they walk through the desert, Nate closes his eyes, imagining himself and his sisters camping out under the beautiful night sky, counting stars. The thought of it brings a smile to his face.

“It's pretty dark...maybe we should've came while the sun was up.” says Annie, clinging to Nate's arm, looking from side to side as if expecting something to jump out at any second.

“Aww, what's wrong? You're not scared, are you?” teases Connie.

“O-of course I'm scared! Didn't you hear what that man at the museum said? About everybody who's came here not making it out alive? Not to mention seven demons live here!”

Connie takes a flashlight out of her backpack, and shines it on herself, making a spooky face. “Boo!”

“Ah!” screams Annie, tripping over Nate's foot, making both of them fall, much to Connie's amusement.

“Ah gee, you're such a scaredy cat. Here, take these.” says Connie, tossing two flashlights to them.

“Oh, so that's what these things are.” says Annie, flashing hers on and off. “Oh yes, this is much better!”

They keep walking on and on in the same direction without stopping. Unused to being on their feet for such a long period of time, their legs are getting tired. They passed the time by seeing who could count the most stars, Nate winning due to somehow never losing track of which starts he had and hadn't already counted. Even after Annie and Connie told him he wins, he kept counting them, out of curiosity of just how many stars could be in the sky.

After about an hour and a half, Annie finally got sick of all this walking. “Connie, are you sure we're going the right way? We've been walking FOREVER, and still nothing!”

“We must be, Father made this map himself, and he's been to the Demons' Lair before.”

Nate, who had been counting the stars the whole time, noticed something in the corner of his eye. “Hey, what's that?” he asks, pointing towards something far off in the distance.

“Oh? Good eye, Nate! We finally found something! That must be where we're supposed to go.” exclaims Annie, excitedly.

“We're not going ANYWHERE unless the map says so.” says Connie, taking another look at her map.

While Connie is busy studying the map, Annie wraps her arms around Nate's shoulders from behind, and whispers in his ear. “Natey, let's just go over there and check it out.”

“But Connie said...”

“Forget what she said, she's a jerk-stupid! Don't worry, by the time we get there, she'll have caught up with us.” she says, then takes Nate's hand, and sneaks off, not giving him much of a choice.

What Nate saw is farther off than he thought. It's been ten minutes, and they haven't got there yet. Not only that, but Connie hasn't chased after them yet, much to Nate's concern. What if she got lost? What if something happened to her? He glances back, but can't see her anywhere.

“Annie, I think we should go back to Connie.” he says.

“Boo! Don't be a party pooper, Nate, it's not that far!”

After ten more minutes, they finally get there, and see that what Nate saw was construction machines. If it weren't for them having read a picture book about construction, they wouldn't know what they are. Nate remembers that the ones with the large front buckets are called loaders, the ones with the front boom are called excavators, and the ones with the front blade and tracks instead of wheels are bulldozers.

Something about them strikes Nate: they all have the Emerald Empire insignia emblazoned on them, and they are surrounded around a massive hole, as if they dug that hole.

“I wonder why there's a hole in the middle of the desert?” asks Annie, tilting her head.

Nate shakes his head. “Never mind that, what about Connie?”

The wind suddenly starts blowing fiercely, causing the rage filled sand to sting on their skin. The ravaging winds feel like blades, nearly tearing through their clothes. Nate realizes this must be the sandstorm, and it must be the work of the demons. It's as if they have come to welcome them to hell.

“Annie! We have to find Connie!” he shouts, the wind so loud, he has to yell to hear his own voice.

“There's no way we're going to find her in this storm, Nate! We need to take shelter in one of the construction machines!”

So they climb their way up the ladder to one of them, the door conveniently unlocked, letting them make their way in. Nate sits down, arms wrapped around his knees.

“Connie is still out there...she's out there all alone, and it's all our fault...” he says, rocking back and forth, terror in his eyes.

“It's okay, Natey, the three of us will be back together as soon as the storm goes away.” says Annie, wrapping her arms around him. As she does, something falls out of her pocket. Her cellphone.

“Annie, you're cellphone!”

“Yeah, what about it?” she asks, picking it up.

“You can use it to call Connie and see if she's okay! Call her!” exclaims Nate, grabbing her shoulders.

“O-okay, okay, calm down...” she says, and dials Connie's number, then waits for her to pick up. However, her phone gives her an error message. “It says 'ERROR: no reception'...”

Since they had no other choice, they sat and waited for the storm to die out. While waiting, Annie looks out the window and points at something. “Natey, do you see that?” she asks.

“See what?” asks Nate, unable to see anything but raging sand.

“Look, it's you, Natey...” she says, as if in a trance. Nate can't comprehend why she would do what she does next. She opens the door, letting in a ton of sand that would've blinded him if he hadn't shielded his eyes with his arm in time, then she starts climbing down the ladder.

“Annie, stop! I'm right here, what are you doing? ANNIE!” he yells, but she doesn't seem to hear him.

“Natey...little Natey...” she says with misty eyes, as she walks towards something Nate can't see.

“If she keeps wandering like this, then we'll all be separated. I have to go after her! Shadow, stay here where it's safe, okay?” he says, petting Shadow's head.

Shadow shakes his head. “No, Nate! I can't let you do something dangerous on your own! You're my friend, I have to keep you safe!”

“Don't worry, Shadow, I'll be back soon, I promise. But if you don't stay here, something bad will happen and I won't be able to keep that promise.” Nate says with a big smile, then climbs down the ladder. As soon as he reaches the ground, he sees a mysterious hooded figure.

“What is that...?” he says, taken by surprise. He gasps as it turns around and takes off the hood. That face... “Shadow?!” How could Shadow be out here, when he was just in the construction machine? There was no time for him to have got out.

The mysterious figure zooms in on him at the speed of light, and stares right at him for a few seconds, then goes straight through him. At first, he didn't feel anything, then he suddenly collapses to the floor, and his vision starts to black out, as he loses consciousness

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Posted on Fri Feb 27, 2015 5:16 am

Good job, Linda. When's the next one??

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Posted on Sat Feb 28, 2015 2:47 pm

Im writing ch8 right now, will probably be done with it in several hours or tommorow, and will prob finish proofreading it by monday.

Also, officialy changed the name of this story from "The Beginning of the End" to "The Emerald Empire", however, I can't change the name of the thread for some reason...

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Posted on Sat Feb 28, 2015 9:41 pm

Ah. Okays. I was wondering yesterday when it'll be up.

Maybe an admin can change it if you can't.

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Posted on Sun Mar 01, 2015 8:59 am

Good call on the title change. Works with the whole colour thing and avoids cliche. And it's alliterative! I haven't been keeping up on the reading because I really haven't got the time any more, but my earlier criticism still stands. Keep it up, though.

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Posted on Sun Mar 01, 2015 2:09 pm

Chapter 8

Seven year old Nate is in his room, staring blankly at the ceiling, rocking back and forth, petting Shadow's fur, whom was just a puppy at the time.

“Nate, how come I've never seen your mother?” asks Shadow.

“M-mother? I...I don't have a mother...” replies Nate, suddenly shaking.

“You don't? What happened to her?”

“Annie and Connie say that Mother was killed by a bad person when I was a baby.” says Nate. Shadow, shocked to hear this, says nothing for a while, leaving the room completely silent except for the tune that plays in Nate's room.
After a minute, Nate suddenly grabs his train, and throws it at his basketball net. “Humans are terrible...they got rid of Mother! But I'm gonna change everything, and Mother will be proud of me. Mother...Mother...MOTHER!!!” he yells, pulling fiercely at his hair.

“I'm sorry, Nate...I didn't know.” apologizes Shadow. “My Mother was killed by a bad person too.”

“Your Mother too?”

“Yes, and it was all my fault...” says Shadow, tears running down his cheeks. “She died protecting me, and I wasn't strong enough to help her.”

Everything starts to black out, then changes into something else, like a dream ending and a new one beginning.

It's a dark, cold, rainy night deep in the forest. Puppy Shadow is running as far as his little legs can take him, being pursued by a strange man. Shadow looks behind him to see how far ahead he is of his pursuer, but crashes into a rock due to not looking where he was going. This lets his pursuer catch him, picking him up by the fur on his back.

“Now I've got you, you damn Familiar!” he throws Shadow against the bark of a tree, making a loud thud sound.

“Ah!” cries Shadow in pain. “Why do humans treat me like this? Is it just because I'm a Familiar?” he says, a tear rolling down his cheek.

The man charges at him to continue his onslaught, but before he could reach him, a much larger wolf Familiar appears seemingly out of nowhere. It stands in front of Shadow, barking fiercely at the man, then, in the blink of an eye, pounces on him, biting and slashing at him with her claws.

“Mother!” says Shadow, running over to his mother's side.

“Shadow, run!” his mother shouts.
“But Mother, I want to help you...”

The man gets back to his feet, his face hideously scratched up and bleeding.“Stupid Familiar, you're so going to pay for this! Attack it!”

In response to the man's command, the ground starts rumbling, as if a massive creature is approaching. Within seconds, a grizzly Familiar is there, and growls loudly at Shadow and his mother.

“Don't hurt my mother!” barks Shadow.

“Sorry, don't have a choice. That's the way it is when a Familiar has a master. You'll have to forgive me for this, kid.” replies the grizzly Familiar, regret clear in his voice.

“Shadow, run! RUN!!!” his mother says, pouncing on the grizzly, doing the best she can to let her son escape.

Shadow is scared out of his mind and well aware of the fact that he isn't strong enough to help his mother fight, so he does what she says, running as fast as he can.

His mother eventually managed to take the grizzly down, despite being way smaller than the large Familiar, then lunges at the man, but he pulls out a rifle.

“You damn Familiar...I'll take care of you myself!” he says, pointing the rifle right at her head.

Shadow, still running in a random direction as fast as he can, can hear shot after shot being fired, and his mother screaming. “Mother?!” he says, turning around, and running back to find her. By the time he got back to her, he found her body lying on the ground, unconscious and bloody.

“No! Mother, you have to get up!” he says, nuzzling his head on her corpse.

“ were a fool to come back here!” says the man, pointing the rifle at him. “I wanted to take you alive, but you've made me quite mad.”

Before he can pull the trigger, he gets hit by a blast of fire and ice. The force of the blast is so strong, it knocks him several feet back, against a giant tree. Another man, Sartur, appears, holding a huge, cannon-like rifle, and walks over to Shadow.

“I was saved by a human...?” asks Shadow, shocked by the turn of events.

“You poor thing, I'm so sorry I was too late.” says Sartur. Shadow stares at him, ready to defend himself. “Don't worry, you're safe now, little one. You no longer have a home to go to, so you'll be coming home with me.” chuckles Sartur, picking Shadow up.

“Mother, I'm going to get strong, just like you. Then no one will ever get hurt protecting me again.”

Then, everything went blurry and started to black out again.

It's a bright and sunny day, but one wouldn't be able to realize, with all the tall trees blocking out the sunshine from above. There's a light fog all around, not thick enough to obscure one's vision, but enough to notice, as well as a thin layer of leaves and fallen branches on the ground. Nate, Annie, and Connie are setting up a tent, while Shadow and Croakie are running around playing together.

“Yay, we did it!” exclaims Annie once they finished setting it up.

“I'm getting a bit tired.” says Nate, wiping sweat off his forehead and placing his hands on his knees.

“You should rest, then. We can handle this.” says Connie.

While everyone else walks off somewhere, Nate sits under a tree and dozes off. A while later, he wakes up to a voice calling his name. When he opens his eyes, he sees a girl dressed in black, standing over him. The same girl that took his skateboard.

“Hello, Nate. You must be happy to see me.” she says with a giggle.

His eyes widen in shock, and he jumps to his feet. She kisses his forehead, and steps back, smiling wickedly. Nate balls his fists and grits his teeth, like a cornered beast that knows it has nowhere to run.

“May I have this dance?” she asks, extending her hand to him.

He backs up, looking confused. “W-What are you talking about?”

“I want to dance with you.” she replies, cocking her head and smiling.

He looks at her like she's crazy, then she grabs his hands, placing one on her shoulder and the other on her hip. She then begins leading him in ballroom dancing. He seems far too surprised and confused to resist.

“So, how has your day been, Nate?” she asks, casually. He responds with silence.

“Why do you ignore me, Nate? You know you can tell me anything.” she says in a singsong voice.

Nate, finally growing sick of this, pushes her off of him, causing her to fall on her butt.

“I don't know who you are, or what you want, but just stay away from me and my family, okay? You have NOTHING to do with us!”

“Nothing to do with you, or your family?” she says, looking up at him, a frown on her face, and tears in her eyes. She stands, dusting herself off. The fog starts thicken, and she stares at the ground, her hair covering most of her face, but a faint red and blue glow visible from her eyes. Two slabs of rock appear behind her. Nate stares at them with a raised eyebrow.

“Would you like to go see them?” she asks, pointing.

Before he can reply, she grabs his hand and takes him over to them. When they are at the slabs of rock, Nate notices writing on both of them. One reads “Annie Emerald, 1998-2015.” and the other “Connie Emerald, 1997-2015.”

“You don't know what these are, do you, Nate?”

Nate clenches his fists, an angered expression on his face. “What did you do to them?”

“These are called tombstones. The ground a tombstone is on is where a dead body is buried. When someone dies, they are buried under the ground, and a tombstone is placed so that people can come back there and remember them.” she explains.

“W-What are you saying?”

“To summarize, Annie and Connie are dead.”

Nate drops to his knees, trembling. “No! You're lying! They can't be dead! Stop trying to mess with my head!”

“Would you like me to show you?” she asks.

Not answering, Nate stares at the ground, softly crying, his face covered in tears which drop one by one. The girl picks up a shovel, and slams it on the ground in front of him.

“Since you don't believe me, I can dig up the bodies for you.”

Nate stands up, snatches the shovel from her, and swings it down on her shoulder, rage clear in his eyes despite the tears. “You MONSTER!!!” he yells.

The shovel collides down on her with such huge force, it breaks in half. Her arm bends at a strange angle, blood dripping from her shoulder, but she doesn't even react to it, despite the obvious pain.

“I'll take that as a no then. Will this serve as a substitute confirmation?” she asks, taking two necklaces out of her pocket, one shaped like the moon, the other shaped like the sun. Annie and Connie's necklaces, the ones from their mother.

She chuckles. “How does it feel to dance with the devil?”

“Shut your mouth!” he shouts, charging at her, swinging his fists wildly. He hits her right in the eye the first time, having took her by surprise, but then she starts teleporting to dodge each strike. Punch, teleport, punch, teleport. The pattern goes on and on, like two teenagers dancing to the beat of their hearts. As soon as she sees an opening, she kicks him in the gut, causing him to double over.

“Want to see how I did it, Nate? How I killed your beloved older sisters?” she says between heavy breaths.

“Shut your filthy mouth, you monster! You witch! You fiend!” yells Nate, throwing a dagger at her, which she easily dodges.

Like a nightmare being displayed right before his eyes, Nate can see Annie and Connie tied to the ground. And this girl, holding a whip, standing next to a horse Familiar. With an evil laugh, she whacks the horse's back with the whip, causing it to scream in pain, and start running back and worth wildly, trampling Annie and Connie each time.

“NO! ANNIE, CONNIE!!!” yells Nate, crying uncontrollably now, repeatedly throwing daggers, which are all easily dodged.

“Do you like that, Nate? Isn't this fun? Look at how much fun I had with dear Annie and Connie! But that's not all! Now, watch them burn!” she says, with sadistic eyes, and raises her arm in the air. As if on cue, their bodies erupt in massive flames, burning their corpses to ashes.

“Hahaha, you see? There is nothing left of them! But it's okay, we had great fun before they had to go!”

Nate yells at the top of his lungs, sounding like a mother bear roaring to keep a predator away from her cubs. Dagger after dagger he throws, until he completely runs out, not a single one hitting her. She kicks him in the jaw, knocking him to the ground, and punches his gut with her unharmed arm.

His face is bruised and bleeding, but his spirit will not be put out, like a raging fire. He gets right back up, and tackles her to the ground so quickly, she doesn't get a chance to teleport. He's now on top of her, staring her in the eye, murderous intent clear in his eye,

Suddenly, one of the Soldiers, Maya, comes running in their direction, carrying plenty of sticks. “My Lord, I found some...” at the sight of the current situation, she screams, dropping all of the sticks.

Distracted, Nate looks up at her. “Soldier Maya, get out of here!”

“Lord Nate...what's going on?” asks Maya.

Mary, using the distraction to her advantage, rolls, knocking Nate off of her, then begins stomping repeatedly on his chest, making him yell in pain. Maya screams, tears in her eyes, then shoves Mary away, grabs Nate's hand, and runs off with him.

“Come back, Nate! Don't you want to join your sisters? I bet they miss their beloved little brother!” shouts the girl in black, laughing like a hyena.

“Monster! I'll rip you to shreds!” Nate shouts back, attempting to charge back at her, but he's injured, leaving him weak enough for Maya to drag him away against his will. After several minutes of running, they found a little cottage, which they went inside and climbed up the stairs.

“We should be safe here.” says Maya, panting.

Nate snatches his arm away from her. “What do you think you're doing, you lowly Soldier?! I have to destroy her! She...she killed my sisters!” he yells, sobbing.

Before she can respond, her mouth melts off, and a noose appears around her neck. Her body is hauled up in the air, and swings back and forth like a pendulum, crashing through the window. Then, the noose seems to rip while her body is hanging outside, and Nate can hear a huge crashing sound as her body hits the ground.

“Soldier Maya!”

Nate can now hear the girl in black walking up the stairs, singing in a creepy voice.

“I'm at the door now~

I'm coming up the steps~

I'm at the top of your steps~

I'm at your door now~”

She breaks the door down with a giant scythe, at least twice her size, which she somehow raises above her head.

“Who...who are you?” Nate asks, defeated.

She giggles. “My name is Mary, and I have a gift for you: PAIN!!!” she swings the giant scythe down at him in an instant.

Last edited by Rika Furude on Mon Mar 02, 2015 7:16 am; edited 1 time in total

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